letting go and other stuff

So, it is the new year. So for 2009 I am letting go of a pound and then another and another . . . I have at least two and possibly four weddings that I know of in the next year or so. My niece, is getting married for the first time. She will be 37. She is freaking out but he is steady and kind and very good to her. Two of my nephews will be getting married -- one for sure and the other probably. And of course, there is Sarah and Kyle.

I have to say that 2008 was okay for my family and I.

Sarah broke up with her former boyfriend in early January -- a real highlight -- he lied to her even when he knew he was going to be caught. Turd breath.

Zachariah made his first communion in May. He is such a joy -- most of the time. Although if he mentions one more time about my belly being similar to Santa Claus' we are going to have words!

Lindsey won all kinds of awards at school, including earning a couple thousand $$$ in scholarships . . . a real help.

Dave continues to be Dave. He is such a great guy and I love him so.

I started my new job and love it, most of the time.

As we all know that financial issues facing everyone have been tough. Sarah's job disappeared but she has decided to focus on school, including taking this semester to get a nursing assistant's certificate so she can get a job (what a novel idea). My 401K took a hit, as did everyone else's. I wasn't going to look at it and just shred the reports but for the financial aid for Lindsey's school, you have to report how much you have in it. Bah humbug and all that fun stuff. It dropped, oh, about, 100K+. Ouch, ouch, ouch. Being positive, however, the fact that I had that much to lose is a good thing.

Sarah has fallen in love with a wonderful young man. He is a farmer. An honest-to-God, corn and soy and pig farmer. He loves her too and they are talking about getting married. So, the problem is I have had to let go.

And, I have to tell you, I am so angry with my Mom I could spit. Sarah thought I was angry with her (which I was) but then I discovered that I was talking to my Mom. Since my Mom has been dead for ten years the conversation was rather one-sided but I did manage to fill in some of her lines as I knew exactly what she would say:

"You lied to me."
"I didn't lie."

"You did so"
"How"

"You NEVER told me that it would hurt so much to let her go. NEVER, Mom. You told me about loving that baby and the joy of holding her the first time and sleep deprivation when she was a baby and on her first and second and third and fourth . . . date(s). But you never told me that seeing her skip out of the house, floating on air and not being here with me would hurt."

sigh "Okay, so it was the sin of omission. I had seven kids. And letting go of each of you hurt, in different ways for each of you. It is part of being a parent and a mother . . . the letting go . . . so go for a walk, cry in the shower and tell her you love her."

"Mom, I am still mad at you . . . you lied."

sigh "Dogs get mad, people get angry and disappointed and hurt . . . I didn't lie . . . I let you go and I knew from the first time I saw you with our Sarah that someday you would be hurt and you would still let her go . . . I wish . . . "

"Mom, I wish too . . . I love you . . . "

Wednesday's musings

In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities.
— Janos Arany

Sarah and her boyfriend have decided to wait until she finishes school before wedding . . . good plan. Especially since it forced her to focus on what it is that she wants to do. So, she finally sat down with a counselor and really pulled all her stuff together and figured out that she needs about 18 months more of school. She is grossly disappointed but thoroughly committed to get it done, so much so that she is taking classes all day on Tuesday and Thursdays, Wednesday evenings and Saturday mornings, leaving her with an opportunity also work. I told her that:

• the time will go incredibly fast
• in 18 months, she will only be 24
• if she doesn't finish now, she will regret it (learn from me . . . I got married and then finally finished school 27 years later)
• if he isn't willing to wait (which he hasn't said it is just something she is afraid of), he isn't worth it
• he wants to be in a stable job (the company he is working for is moving the work to Mexico . . . he has been there 14 years)
• save money . . . she needs to learn how to save money

What I was thinking, was now I will have time to:

• make a beautiful shawl/stole for her (and maybe me?)
• lose weight (18 x 4 = 72 weeks . . . I COULD lose a pound a week, really I can)
• save money . . . I know how to, but choose not to . . . LOL

And, as the quote above says, "in dreams and in love there are no impossibilities."

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Today is Zachariah's first day of third grade. He is very excited. Very, very excited. His teacher is wonderful (almost as good as his first grade teacher . . . for those of you who do not know, Dave was his first grade teacher). His teacher is in her second year of teaching. She came from Poland about six years ago. She is probably about 40 years old. She came to Cleveland, went to college and loves teaching. Dave and I have been at several social events where she and her husband have also been in attendance. They are wonderful people. I just know that this will be a great year.

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Lindsey is also excited about school starting. She is taking AP U.S. History, Honors Chemistry, Honors Algebra II, Spanish III, Orchestra/HandBells (very cool), Theology, Honors English. Her school does block schedule (80 minutes classes, four classes a semester, except for AP U.S. History which is an all year class). So, for this first semester, she has History, Spanish, Theology and Orchestra/HandBells.

The biggest issue she has is that NONE of her friends are in ANY of her classes. Poor thing. I did point out to her that when she started at the Academy last year, she didn't know anyone.

She is also going to be on the Swim team and is toying with track. She had thought about cross-country but decided that she is more into short work than long work.